Late last night, I found myself standing in the kitchen, looking for something to eat. The truth is, I wasn’t hungry. I had already eaten. My body was satiated, but something deeper inside of me was reaching. Not for food — though that was the form it took — but for connection.
It’s sad and beautiful at the same time. Sad, because so often we try to fill the ache of longing with things that cannot truly satisfy. Beautiful, because the awareness itself is a gift. To pause and realize that my body was showing me something about my heart — that is the work of transformation.
This realization connects me back to the last chapter of the Internal Narcissus 90-Day Transformation Journey. The journey closes not with perfection, but with knowing: to see ourselves clearly, to witness our patterns, to name them and love them without shame.
And here is the paradox: just because I see it doesn’t mean I will always master it. There will be days I forget. Days when I cannot break the cycle. Days when the craving for comfort wins. But knowing — that moment of clarity — is already halfway home.
That’s the tender truth of growth. Transformation is not a straight line. It’s a spiral. We circle around, we fall back, and we rise again. Each time, the knowing comes a little sooner, the recognition lands a little deeper, and the love for ourselves expands a little wider.
And this is the heart of the 90-Day Transformation: connection to your authentic self. You walk through the fire and the grace, the remembering and the forgetting, until you realize you are not just surviving your own thoughts — you are tending them. You become the tender of your mind, body, and soul.
Then and Now
Back then, I didn’t yet know Jesus as the One living within me. He was there — faithful as ever — standing at the door of my heart (Revelation 3:20), but I had not fully opened it. I prayed to the Father, I sensed the Spirit, but I had not yet entered into a personal, living relationship with Christ Himself.
Everything changed when I invited Him in — when I claimed Him as Savior and Lord and asked Him to dwell within me. That’s when His redeeming grace became real, not just as an idea, but as a presence.
Jesus brings a comfort in the middle of darkness that no one else can. His counsel steadies, His presence redeems, and through the Holy Spirit He even intercedes when words fail (Romans 8:26).
It is His power that heals, His truth that frees, and His Spirit that guides (John 8:36; John 14:26). When Christ lives in you, He gives strength to make new choices — not just when you’ve fallen to your knees in desperation, but sometimes before you even reach the floor. That’s the grace of walking with Him daily.
So I ask you: what would you do for that extra help? Can you see that the cravings you feel — the restless reaching — may not be about food, distraction, or comfort at all, but about the deeper longing for Christ within?
The real reaching is not outward, but inward — into the place where the Holy Spirit already dwells and waits to fill you with comfort, guidance, and peace.
Living Connection
You are your own wingman. Your most important counselor. The covenant-keeper who will never abandon you — because Christ Himself has made His home within you.
When you know this, even in fragile and imperfect ways, connection is no longer something you grasp for outside yourself. It becomes the way you live, the well you draw from, the presence you return to again and again with compassion, strength, and love.
So if you find yourself reaching for something — food, your phone, noise, distraction — pause for a moment. Ask your heart:
What am I really hungry for?
Sometimes the answer will surprise you. Sometimes the answer will break you open. And sometimes, the answer will remind you that what you seek has been with you all along, waiting for you to turn inward and claim it.
Scripture Seals
“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.”
— John 15:4
“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”
— John 8:36
“But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.”
— John 14:26
IN Moment (Closing)
Just now, I had an IN moment. I was looking at a photo I had shared yesterday on FB with the song by Steph Schlueter, Counting My Blessings, and a caricature of me making breakfast for my girls (my golden retrievers). As my eyes lingered, I noticed something I hadn’t seen before: there was room beside me. Room for him — the partner God has been preparing for me.
I asked ChatGPT to recreate the photo with my future husband in it. And when the image came back, I could see it — me, him, the warmth of home, family, fun, and laughter. My heart whispered what my spirit already knew: I am ready.
So I prayed: “God, I am ready. Ready to meet the one You have prepared for me. I lift up my requests, but I trust that he is already exactly who You created him to be. I can feel it.”
In that prayer, the thread of my day wove itself together — from the morning words that became Reaching for Connection, to yesterday’s reflection in The Next Right Thing, all sparked by a reel of a couple celebrating forty years of marriage, from their wedding day to the present.
And so I pray this prayer again, not in desperation, but in trust. I will continue building my life with intention, while keeping space open to receive love and connection when it arrives.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
With grace and presence,
Kellie J. Wright
Transformation Guide | Author | Speaker
Creator of Internal Journeys™ Internal Narcissus™ Internal Narcissa™
Host of the From Light to Christ™ Podcast
“Truth and beauty are only a flip of the switch away.”
www.kelliejwright.com
Want to go deeper in your own journey?
Internal Narcissus: From Darkness to Light (Workbook)